FF8 does Who's Line is it anyway?
by Dr.Evil
Summary: More of the age old classic!
1. Episode 1

FF8-Who's Line Is It Anyway?

Cid: Hello. I'm Cid Kramer, and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?, the show where our contestants play for nothing more than their dignity, I suppose. Today, we have everyone's favorite hero, Squall Leonhart. Also, we have the hot dog slave, Zell Dincht. Also, with us today is the super-hyperactive Selphie Tilmitt. And finally, he's the guy you love to hate, Seifer Almasy. (Applause.) All right, let's start off with a game called _World's Worst_, which is for all four contestants. (They go to the _World's Worst _step.) All right, and you'll have to come up with examples of the world's worst GF's. Just step forward when you come up with one. Take it away whenever you're ready.

Squall: Hey, what do you mean **I'm **the GF?

Selphie: We're going on strike!

Zell: Sorry, pal, I'm on vacation.

Seifer: Before I do any further junctioning with you, we need to review our contract.

Selphie: Whoops! You're not the bad guys!

Seifer: Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Squall: I've decided to go on my own!

Zell: (Drunkenly) Sorry, dude, I got wasted last night!

Selphie: I've decided to fight the enemy, not by using magic, but through dance!

Seifer: Umm, what was I supposed to do again?

Squall: Hey, check out my new ability: Pikachu, I choose you!

Selphie: Yeehaw! I'm yer new GF, Slick!

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: All right, thank you. That was quite entertaining, but I not going to give out any points for that one because my pen stopped working. (Laughter) Ok, now we'll move on to a game called **Film and Theatre Styles**, and it's for Zell and Seifer. Before we begin, I need some suggestions from the audience. (The audience shouts out suggestions.)

Ok…Final Fantasy 7…Sailor Moon…Ballet…(Seifer laughs)…Metal Gear Solid…Pokemon…Gundam Wing…and Riverdance?! Well, let's see…Ok, your scene is the two of you are in Ultimecia's Castle, and are preparing to fight one of her servants. Take away…

Zell: Oh, man, we gotta get rid of another one?!

Seifer: Yeah, but it's the last one, Tiamat!

Zell: Oh, heck he's easy! No problem!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: All right, Final Fantasy 7.

Seifer: It won't be a problem thanks to my zillions of Materia!

Zell: Yeah, but do you have enough MP?

Seifer: Oh, crap! I forgot about that! Hey do you have a zillion gil I can borrow?

Zell: What for?

Seifer: So I can buy one of those elixir thingys that are impossible to afford!

(Cid sounds buzzer.)

Cid: Sailor Moon.

Zell: I'm afraid I can't give you a zillion gil, but I **can** give you this rose!

Seifer: (Sailor Moon-like) Oh, Tuxedo Mask! But what good with that do?

Zell: Nothing. You always kill the monster and take credit for the whole thing anyway!

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: Ballet.

Seifer and Zell stand there for a second, trying to come up with something. Finally, Zell does a sloppy pirouette, followed by Seifer. Seifer tries to pick up Zell, but promptly drops him. They leap around for a few moments, until Cid sounds the buzzer.

Cid: Metal Gear Solid.

Seifer: What's the matter Snake? Can't fight me?

Zell: No way!

The two act out the fight scene atop MG Rex. Seifer acts like he was knocked of the top.

Seifer: SSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA( Takes a breath) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA(Cid sounds the buzzer)KKKKKKKKKEEEEEE!

Cid: Hee. Ok Pokemon.

Zell: Oh, no! He's not dead yet! Pikachu take care of him!

Seifer: Ha, Ha! That Pikachu is no match for my Charmander! Go!

Zell: Gosh, this bites! We don't anything but watch!

Seifer: Yeah. Zzzz.

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: All right: Gundam Wing.

Seifer: But that how true battles are fought! 

Zell: But that's wrong!

Seifer: Is it now? Well let's duel in our Gundams for the zillionth time!

Zell: Ok.

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Riverdance.

Suddenly Zell explodes in a frenzy of tap dance moves, mesmerizing everyone, including Seifer.

Zell: Hey, blame the Garden Festival.

Cid: Ok, ok! (Laughs) That's all, thank you. I'll give you both fifty points because I feel like it. Hmm, let's see. Now, on to a game called **Questions Only**, which is for all four contestants. In this game, you can only speak in questions, and I'll buzz you if you mess up. The Scene you're doing is you're all taking part in your SeeD field exam, and Zell and Selphie are up first.

Selphie: Are you ready yet?

Zell: Ready for what?

Selphie: Don't you know?

Zell: Well, I…oh, crap. (Steps back, replaced by Squall)

Selphie: Where did he go?

Squall: How should I know?

Selphie: Aren't you the Captain?

Squall: Are you serious?

Selphie: I..I..(Laughs and steps back, replaced by Seifer)

Squall: Where have you been?

Seifer: Why do you ask?

Squall: Aren't I the Captain?

Seifer: Shouldn't you know?

Squall: Am I supposed to?

Seifer: Well, I don't…damn…(Steps back, replaced be Selphie.)

Squall: Where did you go?

Selphie: Is it any of your business?

Squall: I…crap…

(Cid sounds the buzzer)

Cid: Ok, ok. Thank you all. Now let's move on to a game called **Hoe-down.** This is for all four contestants, and you all have to make up a song about something on the spot, with the help of Quistis Trepe on the piano. Ok, what are they going to sing about? (Listens to some suggestions.) Playing in the Training Center…All right, you four that's what you have to come up with.

(Quistis plays the Hoe-Down music.)

Squall: I love the Training Center;

I go there every day.

Whether it's to kill some things

Or just to sing and play.

I love everything there 

There's nothing that I hate;

Except for one thing because

I'm not there today!

Zell: When I want to kill something

There's just one place to go.

That's the Training Center,

Where I'm like a hero.

I can find all kinds of things

That I want to hit.

But that doesn't mean a thing

When I am just too slow!

Selphie: The big Training Center 

can be lot's of fun;

There's no place like it

Not a single one;

When I want to run and play,

This is where I go;

Except when a T-Rexuar comes

That means I am done!

Seifer: I like to slice and dice

Kill all sorts of things

I don't care if it crawls

Or runs or swings.

It's all the same to me

Either way it goes,

I just don't like the

Crap they all sling!

Selphie, Squall, Zell, and Seifer: The crap they all sling!

Cid: Thank you all of you! That's all the time we have today! So for Selphie, Zell, Squall, and Seifer, this is Cid Kramer saying Goodnight. Goodnight!


	2. Episode 2

FF8 Does Who's Line is it Anyway's.

Episode 2

Cid: Hello everybody, and welcome to Who's Line is it Anyway's; the improvisation show where you favorite characters from goodness knows where play for their own personal benefit, I suppose. Today we have Selphie Tilmitt, again. Also with us today is Laguna Loire. Also it's everyone's favorite main character, Squall Leonhart. And finally, our very own cowboy, Irvine Kinneas. (Applause.) Let's start off with **Film and Theatre Styles**, and this is for Laguna and Selphie.

Selphie: Oh, boy!

Cid: Can I get some suggestions from the audience? (The audience shouts suggestions)

Ok, Dragon Ball Z…Tenchi Muyo!…Home Shopping Network…James Bond…Ronin Warriors…Star Wars…and The Crocodile Hunter. (Laughs.) All right, the two of you are exploring the Deep-Sea Research Center. I'll buzz you when it's time to switch styles. Take it away when you're ready. 

Selphie: Oh, boy! I wonder what we'll find in here…

Laguna: Who knows? It could be secret treasure, or monsters!

Selphie: Monsters? What kind of monsters?

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Crocodile Hunter.

Laguna: (In an Australian accent) Like that crocodile over there! Well, I'd hardly call this little bugger a monster! Just look at the size of it! What a beauty!

Selphie: Wow!

Laguna: Many people just don't realize how few of these rare and beautiful creatures are left in the world, and that's why we have to protect them!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Dragon Ball Z.

Selphie: (Laughing insanely.) When I destroy this world, protecting those will be the least of your worries!

Laguna: I'll never let you do that! I'll stop you! 

Selphie: You can't beat me!

Laguna: If I don't Trunks or Vegeta or Gohan will, because they always do!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Ronin Warriors.

Selphie: Ha, ha! You can't beat me, Lady Kayura!

Laguna: (In Ryio's accent.) No way! I'll find a way to stop you! Or if I don't Anubis will come and save my but!

Selphie: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. So it's sort of useless fighting then, huh?

Laguna: Yeah, let's go get some tea.

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Tenchi Muyo!

Selphie: Tenchi! (Runs and hugs Laguna.) Tenchi, Tenchi, Tenchi!

Laguna: Ah! Not now! I thought we were going to get some tea!

Selphie: Well that can wait, because we're going to have a little fun first.

Laguna: Oh, no! We're not going to go break another hundred laws that will have the Galaxy Police come after us, will it?

Selphie: Well, yeah.

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: James Bond.

Laguna: Well, I don't mind really. Breaking a few laws is what being a secret agent is all about.

Selphie: Oh, James, look out! There's a whole buncha bad guys coming at us!

Laguna: Don't worry. I can shoot all of them with just one bullet. Bang!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: Home shopping network.

Selphie: And how much do you think a gun like that is worth?

Laguna: 500 gil?

Selphie: Oh, no.

Laguna: 1000 Gil?

Selphie: Oh, much more!

Laguna: Your first born son?

Selphie: That's getting there! But for today only, you can get the shiny new 007™ for only 5000 gil!

Laguna: Wow!

(Cid hits the buzzer.)

Cid: Star Wars.

Laguna: But that doesn't matter, because I'm you brother's sister's uncle's third cousin's third college roommate!

Selphie: Oh, no! What does that mean?

Laguna: Absolutely nothing!

Selphie: Noooooooooooo!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid: (Laughing.) Ok, thank you! (Selphie and Laguna sit back down.) Let's see…now it's on to a game called superheroes. This is for all four contestants, and Irvine will start, and as the others appear, they'll be given a name. Now what sort of superhero should Irvine be? (Audience shouts suggestions.) Cowboy man. Something tells me you'll fit very well for that part Irvine. Now what sort of crisis is going on? (He listens to more suggestions.) The world has run out of hot dogs! (Laughs.) Now there's an original idea! All right, whenever you're ready Irvine.

Irvine: (In a deep Southern Accent.) Yeehaw! Well this here's a fine and dandy day! Better check the World Crisis Monitor, though! Good gracious! The whole darn world's done gone and run out of hotdogs! I hope my super-friends arrive soon!

(Squall walks up.)

Squall: Sorry, I'm late, I wasn't on time.

Irvine: Thank goodness you're here, Cliché' man!

Squall: Well, you know, what goes up must come down! Leave no prisoners and all.

Irvine: The world has run out of hotdogs!

Squall: Great Scott! Well, when the chips are down…

(Selphie walks up.)  
Selphie: Sorry, I'm late, traffic.

Squall: It's a good thing you're here, Girl Who Constantly Shouts.

Selphie: ANYTHING TO BE OF HELP!

Irvine: We've to find a way to get all the hotdogs back!

Selphie: WELL, KEEP THINKING!

Squall: There's no time to lose!

(Laguna walks in.)

Laguna: Sorry I'm so late; I didn't feel like coming in early.

Selphie: THANK GOODNESS YOU"RE HERE, ETERNALLY STONED MAN!

Laguna:(In a spaced-out tone.)Yeah, man, glad I'm here too.I'm really hungry though.

Irvine:Well, keep your boots on cowboy, cuz' the world's out of hotdogs!

Laguna:Woah, man!That's, like, a major bummer, man!

Selphie:WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

Laguna:I think I'm gonna mellow out some more, and try to find an answer.Peace out!(Leaves.)

Selphie:(Pauses for a second.)I'M NO GOOD HERE!(Leaves.)

Squall:Well, when the chips are down…(Leaves.)

Irvine:(A bit unsure what to do next.)Well…Umm…Not exactly a tragedy averted, but then again, we ain't all perfect!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid:Thank you Irvine.I must say, if I am ever in need of Superheroes, you'll be the last one on my list.(Laughter.)

Ok, now let's move on to a game called **Party Quirks**.And the host is Squall.The other three have a character to play, as noted in their envelopes.Whenever you're ready, Squall.

Squall:Got everything ready.The guests should be arriving anytime now…

(Cid rings the doorbell.)

Laguna:(Supposed to be allergic to everything.)Hey Squall.(Sneezes.)

Squall:Good to see you Laguna!

Laguna:(Sneezes.)Oh, man, I feel terrible!(Sneezes.)I think it's the dust, carpeting, food, etc.That's all around here!

Squall:Oh, well…Too bad you're allergic to practically everything.

(Cid sounds the buzzer, Applause.)

(Doorbell.)

Squall:Hi Selphie!

Selphie:(Supposed to be Ultimecia.)Ah, hello Squall.

Squall:Care for some sunflower seeds?

Selphie:SeeDs?Ugh!SeeD, SeeD, SeeD. Kurse all SeeDs!

Squall:Geez, you act like you're Ultimecia or something!

(Cid sounds the buzzer, Applause.)

(Doorbell.)

Irvine:(Supposed to be a salesman.)Hello, there Squall!Interested in buying one of my new 4-in-1 screwdrivers?

Squall:Not really…

Irvine:Or how about one of my new "How to sell a book for 100 Gil"?Just 100 gil!

Squall:No way!Go away, you salesperson, you!

(Cid sounds the buzzer, Applause.)

Cid:All right, now it's time for a game called **World's Worst**.This is for all four contestants, and you all have to come up with examples of the world's worst Sorceresses.

Squall:Never mind the man behind the curtain!

Selphie:Hmm, what does this spell do?

Laguna:Must…have…magic…Esthar™ brand magic wand with flashing jewels!

Irvine:Time Compression?What's that?

Selphie:I demand my own line of fashion designer clothing!

Squall:(As if reading from a book.)Hmm…repeat three times…there's no place like home…

Laguna:Argh!I'm melting, melting!

Selphie:I can't fight today!I'm having a bad hair day!

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)

Cid:Thank you all of you!That's all the time we have for today, so for Squall, Selphie, Laguna, and Irvine, this is Cid Kramer, saying "Goodnight."Goodnight!


	3. Episode 3

FF8 Does Who's Line is it anyway?

Cid: Hello and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?, the improvisation show that has all the glitz and all the glamour of a mud wresting tournament. I'm Cid Kramer and today's contestants are:

Recommended to psychiatrists everywhere, Seifer Almasy; recommended by psychiatrists everywhere, Fujin; recommended by hair stylists everywhere, Selphie Tilmitt; and recommended by someone who's never seen him, Zell Dincht. (Applause.)

Let's start off with a game called Superheroes. This is for all four contestants, with Zell starting off. All right, what sort of superhero should Zell be? (Listens to suggestions from the audience.) Surfer-man? Now there's an interesting superhero. And what is the crisis that's affecting the world? (Listens to more suggestions.) The Ragnorok has been stolen… That's not much of a crisis, but it'll have to do. Take it away Zell.

Zell: Surf's up, dude! Like, I better find out what's going on in the world before I go catch some rays! Oh, no! The Ragnorok has been stolen! Major bummer dude! I hope my super-friends get here soon!

Seifer: (Runs in.) Sorry I'm late; I walked the whole way.

Zell: Thank goodness you're here, Pokemon Trainer Guy!

Seifer: No problem! Pikachu, Go!

Zell: The Ragnorok has been stolen, dude!

Seifer: That's terrible! I wonder which Pokemon I should use?

Selphie: (Walks in.) I'm here!

Seifer: It's a good thing you got here, Girl Who Knows Stupid Little Facts!

Selphie: Glad to be here! Hey, did you know that Ronald McDonald wasn't the original mascot for McDonalds? It was Speedy!

Zell: That's…nice. But we have to find out where the Ragnorok is!  
Selphie: Hmm…I don't have a clue! Too bad it's not a Twinkie®! Those things can last through a nuclear war!

Fujin: (Walks in.) LATE. TOO BAD.

Selphie: Good to see you, Person Who Talks Really, Really, Slow!  
Fujin: NO…PROBLEM.

Seifer: I'll get Zubat to look for the Ragnorok! (Leaves.)

Selphie: I'm going to go follow it so that I can learn more useless info! (Leaves.)

Fujin: NO…HELP…HERE. LEAVE…NOW. (Leaves.)

Zell: Far out, dude! Yet another tragedy averted!

(Cid hits the buzzer.)

Cid: All right, thank you guys. Let's see now…now we're going to move on to a game called World's Worst. (Everyone goes to the World's Worst step.) And you all have to come up with as many examples of the world's worst outtakes for Anime programs. Take it away whenever you're ready.

(Zell and Seifer walk up.)

Seifer: How can this be?! How can Kakarot, his son, and MY son be stronger than me?!

Zell: (As Mr. Popo.) Actually, it's because they drink Kame's Cola, the refreshing cola that all Super Saiyains drink.

Selphie: Pikachu, I choose you! Pikachu?! No, no Pikachu! Not me! Ahh!!!

Zell: I'll destroy the Libra space station! Boom! Wait a sec…You mean the space station wasn't that big blue planet shaped thing?

(Selphie and Fujin walk up.)

Selphie: Yay! We beat the evil Dead Moon Circus! Now what?

Fujin: NOW…DANCE!

(Seifer and Zell walk up.)

Zell: I'll get you Cell!

Seifer: Ha, ha! Don't make me laugh!

(The two mock fight for a few minutes before Seifer backs away.)

Seifer: How can this be? How can he have so much power?

Zell: It's because I take Stacker 2, world's strongest fat burner!

Selphie: Pegasus! Protect our dreams! (Pause.) Umm, Pegasus? Pegasus?

Seifer: I'm the Moonlight Mask! Err…Tuxedo Knight!

(Zell and Seifer walk up.)

Seifer: Ha, ha! I've absorbed you powers, Piccolo!

Zell: That'll be $5.

Zell: You mean, send ALL of our monsters at Sailor Moon?

Fujin: TUXEDO MASK…HEERO YUY?

(Cid sounds the buzzer.)


	4. Chapter 4

FF8- Who's Line is it Anyway?

Cid: Hello, I'm Cid Kramer and welcome to Who's Line is it Anyway, the improvisational show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like Galbadia's level 1 military. (laughter) Today's contestants are: Everyone's favorite hero, Squall Leonhart! Everyone's favorite time travel gal Ellone! Everyone's favorite journalist-turned-président, Laguna Loire! And finally everyone's favorite seconday hero, Kiros Seagill! (applause) Let's get started with a game called two-line vocabulary. This is for Squall, Ellone and Laguna. Squall, you are about to lead your party to battle the Omega Weapon in Ultemicia's Castle. Laguna and Ellone are your party members. However, Laguna and Ellone are only allowed to say the two lines that I'm going to give them. Ellone, your lines are 'Should i be doing this?' and 'Oh my God that's enormous!' (laughter) Laguna, your lines are 'Should i use my gun?' and 'What's that?' So take it away Squall.

Squall: Ok team as soon as the others ring the bell, Omega Weapon is going to appear.

Laguna: What's that?

Squall: It's the Mega-Boss of the castle. It's going to be a tough battle.

Ellone: Should I be doing this?

Squall: Don't lorry Sis, you'll be fine.

Laguna: Should I use my gun?

Ellone: Oh my God….That's enormous!

Squall: No, not yet! The bell has to be rung first.

Ellone: (making a rope tugging motion) Should i be doing this?

Laguna: What's that?

Squall: No, no! The other team will ring the bell! Ding! Ding! There's the bell, and there's Omega Weapon!

Ellone: Oh my God, that's enormous!

Laguna: Should i use my gun?

Squall: Yes! Use it now!

(Laguna makes gun shooting motions)

Ellone: (hides behind Squall) Should I be doing this?!

Squall: No, no! I need you to help!

Laguna: (points at Ellone) Should i use my gun?

Squall: At this point I dont care anymore…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: (laughing) Thank you guys…It's a good thing we have you all to save the world right? So thats 1 point to everyone. (laughter) On to the next game, which is called Scenes From a Hat. (pulls out a top hat) This is for all four of you, and what we've done is have the audience write down suggestions for little scenes they want to see acted out and we've taken the good ones and put them in this hat and we'll see how many they can act out, starting with…Unlikely endings to a Final Fantasy game.

(Squall and Laguna walk up and face each other.)

Laguna: Squall…I am your father!

Squall: Yeah…I know…You've told me eight times already.

Laguna: Oh…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

(Ellone and Kiros walk out)

Ellone: Thank you! But your princess is in another castle!

Kiros: Mama Mia!

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: Squall and Vincent Valentine meeting for the first time.

(Kiros and Squall walk up)

Squall: Sis…

Kiros: Lucretia…

Squall: Sis…

Kiros: Lucretia…

Squall:…

Kiros:…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: What Galbadia's soldiers were thinking during the Dollet battles.

Ellone: Those SeeDs dont stand a chance! I bet theyre not even level two like us!

Kiros: I'm sure they're not stocked with any speiss or GFs or items or..

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: What…Cid Kramer is thinking right now. (laughs)

Laguna: I thought I had more authority than the Garden staff…

Ellone: I wish i had that Cloud guy to help fight the Sorceress…

Kiros: What do you mean i look like Robin Williams?

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: (laughs) Well done everybody, a thousand points apiece. Our net game is called Who's Line and it features Kiros and Ellone. I'm going to give each of you two pieces of paper with a line written on each of them and you're going to have to use them whenever you can for this scene which is Ellone and Kiros are investigating strange events at the mansion in Windhill. So take it away you two.

Kiros: I've been hearing reports of a ghost in this mansion so let's go see.

Ellone: Yes let's solve this mystery. Like our motto says…(reads paper 1) Who let the dogs out?

Kiros: (trying not to laugh) Who indeed? (Makes a door opening motion) Here we are… There's a note on the table here it says…(reads paper 1) Roll that beautiful bean footage!

Ellone: Right…(giggles) Hey look on the staircase! What's that?

Kiros: It is a ghost! Wow! It looks likes trying to say something!

Ellone: Yes i think its….(reads paper 2) Don't walk behind a chocobo during a parade!

Kiros: No no! Its….(reads paper 2) Make it a large and hold the pickles!

(Laughter)

(Cid sounds the buzzer)

Cid: Alright well done both of you but i can't give any point because…well just because. (laughter) Our last game is called World's Worst and its for all four of you. So come on down to the World's Worst Step and give examples of the World's Worst examples of failed Final Fantasy concepts.

Kiros: Ok ok here goes. Selphie Quistis and Rinoa all dress like strippers and go flying around doing jobs for money!

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Kiros: And they all fight by changing clothes!

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Squall: (pretends to be writing) A meteor hits the planet and spirits come out of it and kill anyone they touch…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Ellone: In a world where nothing goes wrong….Nothing went wrong…ever…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Laguna: Final Fantasy XIV….Squall's stand-up routine…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Kiros: Ultemicia discovers Hooked on Phonics…

(Cid sounds buzzer)

Cid: Thank you everyone. Thats all the time we have for today so for now goodbye!


End file.
